Red Scare

Last week, I had a mini freak out session. My father went on vacation in China for about two weeks and he didn't have a cell phone on him and he didn't have computer access all the time. His flight to come back was the day after the disastrous earthquake. When I heard about it, I was petrifried. I called all my relatives and family friends to try and figure out if they knew where he was or if he was okay. I was so scared that he got hurt or ever died. I just thought, "If I lose my father too, I'm just going to lose it. I won't be able to handle all of this. I won't be able to handle losing another person in my life right now." Fear overtook me. My mind was racing with terrible thoughts of the worst. Later on that evening, I found out from a family friend that my father had boarded his plane and had already left for the States.

I'm not sure if my reaction was normal or not, but I was scared out of my mind. I started crying and I couldn't stop worrying. I'm finally adjusting to life without mom and if indeed what I feared happened, I would have to take a long break from school and life as I know it. I'd probably lock myself up at home and vegetate for awhile. I would feel like the world was against me and that God definitely does not exist (not that I really think he even exists now, but I'd doubt his existence even more).

I'm just glad my father alright. I scolded him when he got back. I told him next time he has to let us know he's ok. He laughed and said that "He's always been a lucky guy and nothing bad would ever happen to him." *sigh* *shaking head*