NYC and Dad's New Girlfriend

Being in NYC has made me think about my mom a lot. I haven't written about it but I think now would be a good time.

There's not a day that goes by still where I don't think about her. I often wonder how she would feel about me being here. Would she be proud, worried, excited, jealous, happy?

I have had a couple dreams about her since I've been here. I'm relieved that they've been pretty happy, or at least not the traumatizing nightmares I used to have. There was one dream which left me very happy and sad at the same time. I dreampt that my mother and Tiffany, my little sister, settled their problems and differences. In my dream, my mother finally recognized Tiffany as a responsible, intelligent woman. When I woke up, I was very happy, but then sad because I missed my mom.

I've had a couple dreams as well of my mom before she was sick. This was surprising to me because I can't even remember much before her diagnosis. Most of my memories of her are from when she was ill.

What really made me think about my mom was my dad's visit this 4th of July weekend. He came with Tiffany and a woman named Lillian. He and Lillian stayed Thursday and Friday, Tiffany stayed until Monday. When I asked my dad a couple weeks ago who Lillian is, he said to call her "Aunt Lillian" and that she was just a friend from Taiwan. When he visited with her, she seemed like more than just a friend. They held hands the majority of the trip, they cuddled in Central Park and at "Hairspray," they wiped each other's sweat off their faces and necks at the subway station...all actions I would consider intimate physical contact. I was shocked and furious, however I did not show it.

Not to sound possessive, but I thought he was coming to visit me, not coming to take this strange lady out on dates with me as their tourguide. I barely spoke to my dad and "Aunt Lillian" barely spoke to me too.

Now, I don't want to be that angry, uncooperative daughter who gets in the way of my dad's dating. I'm okay if my dad dates. I even had a very extensive talk with him in April or May trying to convince him to date again. I told him to tell me if he ever was and that he shouldn't be worried because I encourage him to date. I told him that I felt like anything withing a year of mom's death is too soon, but that's his decision.

He told me then, "I don't want to date again. It's too soon and it's too much of a hassle. I'm not interested in other women. No one's as pretty as your mother."

Looks like he changed his mind. I felt very insulted. I felt like this was a slap in my face. I felt like he was trying to sneak around, like he thought maybe I wouldn't see them hold hands or touch. Towards the end of Friday, it was clear that he didn't mind if we saw.

*sigh* I don't know what to think of all this. Personally, I think this is all too soon and I don't like Lillian. This is not due to jealousy. I had suspected that perhaps my dad was dating another woman, and I really liked her. She was sweet, funny, personable and interested in Tiffany, Wynee, and I. Lillian didn't seem to have a personality at all. Apparently, Lillian is very rich and smart (she's got a PHD) but she didn't say anythign at all the whole time I saw her. She only talked to my dad. Yes, I understand it may be awkward for her, but I feel like she could have made a bigger effort to get to know us.

I know my dad has been speaking with Lillian for some time now. I believe he's been speaking with her since April. This is only 7 or 8 months after my mom's death! When my dad wants to date is his business but I can have my own personal feelings and I personally believe that is far too soon. I'm still coping with her loss and I know my dad is too. He visits her niche everyday or at least multiple times a week. Maybe he told her about Lillian already and she gave him her approval. I don't know.

I just wish my dad would tell me before he brings in a surprise. Especially when I think he's coming to visit me.

How silly of me to think that though.

Stylez Banquet

I got very emotional at the Stylez End of the Year Banquet last week. This caught me by complete surprise because I never cry, EVER, especially when saying goodbye to people. The only time I cry in public is if I'm watching a movie. But I was just overwhelmed by emotions when I had to give a speech.

I realized it was because I wanted to tell my dance mates how appreciative I was for them to be in my life. When I started this school year, I thought it would be terrible, and parts of it were. I really thought I had hit rock bottom. I was an emotionless robot at times but on the inside, I was troubled. Eventhough I did not talk to my dance mates about what happened in my life, they were a very important aspect of my life this year. My dance group was one of the only things that kept me going. My dance group was one of the only things that made me feel any emotion at all. I had great memories with them. I loved the people and all our experiences together.

So I cried really hard when I gave my speech. I even gave a 2nd one. I didnt' tell them that my mom died, but I told them I lost my ties with two of my best friends and lost a close family member all in the same year. This was a huge step for me. I never talk to anyone about my problems or even let them know. But I felt they needed to know this information for them to truly understand my appreciation and love for my teammates. It took an incredible amount of courage as well. Interestingly enough, after I told them that, I felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. I felt relieved. I felt very happy, to let them know more about me, and to let them know how they've influenced my life.

Without my dance group, I believe handling the loss of my mother would have been far more difficult.

*sigh*

I bought my mother a white carnation for Mother's Day this year. But I was a couple days late b/c I got to the flower shop to late and they were out of white carnations. I felt pretty guilty about buying them late.

Red Scare

Last week, I had a mini freak out session. My father went on vacation in China for about two weeks and he didn't have a cell phone on him and he didn't have computer access all the time. His flight to come back was the day after the disastrous earthquake. When I heard about it, I was petrifried. I called all my relatives and family friends to try and figure out if they knew where he was or if he was okay. I was so scared that he got hurt or ever died. I just thought, "If I lose my father too, I'm just going to lose it. I won't be able to handle all of this. I won't be able to handle losing another person in my life right now." Fear overtook me. My mind was racing with terrible thoughts of the worst. Later on that evening, I found out from a family friend that my father had boarded his plane and had already left for the States.

I'm not sure if my reaction was normal or not, but I was scared out of my mind. I started crying and I couldn't stop worrying. I'm finally adjusting to life without mom and if indeed what I feared happened, I would have to take a long break from school and life as I know it. I'd probably lock myself up at home and vegetate for awhile. I would feel like the world was against me and that God definitely does not exist (not that I really think he even exists now, but I'd doubt his existence even more).

I'm just glad my father alright. I scolded him when he got back. I told him next time he has to let us know he's ok. He laughed and said that "He's always been a lucky guy and nothing bad would ever happen to him." *sigh* *shaking head*

Sudden Sadness

I've been applying for a crazy amount of video and film internships. None of them had responded and I was beginning to lose hope that I would find a good internship in LA or NYC. I was ready to settle for Cbus and a job at the OSU tech store. But yesterday, I got an email from City Lights Media Group! They said that they thought I was perfect for one of their internships and they want to have a brief phone interview with me on Tuesday.

I was ecstatic! I was so overwhelmingly excited! And then, all of a sudden, I started to cry. I got really sad. And it was because I wasn't able to tell my mom that I may be going to NYC for what sounds like a pretty big internship. Even if it's not that big, I wouldn't be able to tell her that Film is what I want to do and that I'm trying to get myself out there. She died before I figured out what I was passionate about. She missed out on that whole chunk of me. And now that I may be getting a internship in NYC (if not, I may even get one in Cbus, which is just as good in my opinion), she's not here to hear me tell her.

I didn't know what to do. I had never felt this quick change in emotion so drastically and so quickly. I was happy, but I was so unbearably upset. I actually wasn't crying...I couldn't. I couldn't breathe. I started panicking. I was so overwhelmed by emotions that I forced myself to put that thought aside.

But now, as I'm telling it to you, it hurts so bad. I've always wanted her to be proud of me. I think she was...but she never said it. I feel like this was one thing she could at least be proud of. I'm moving on into the real world, and she's not here to see it. She's not here to see me continue to develop into my own person...and it hurts.

People at Grief Counseling Group

Last week, I attended the Grief Counseling Session offered through OSU's Counseling center. A new person joined the group. She is a grad student. Her brother, who is a couple years older than her, committed suicide last year. He was schizophrenic.

Sara, who I've mentioned before, lost both her parents to cancer when she was young. Her mother passed away when she was 13 and her father passed away when she was 15. She is a sophomore in college, and she lives in her parents' house.

Kaitlyn is a sophomore here at OSU. Her mother was an alcoholic. Her mother had been ill for the past who years, I believe due to the health issues caused by her alcoholism. She passed away this summer. In addition, Kaitlyn's grandmother and Kaitlyn's dog passed away this summer.

Another girl's father passed away over the summer. She was the youngest of three siblings and was her father's caretaker. She's a student here at OSU. She had to take some time off to address her father's needs. He had some form of cancer in the throat or the mouth, I don't remember exactly. Her father's jaw was removed and he was incapable of feeding himself.

Another girl's close friend committed suicide last year. She also lost her mother when she was about one or two years old. She doesn't exactly understand the feelings with losing a mother, just the feeling of not having a mother figure in her life. She feels very conflicted about her friend's suicide.

Lastly, Frank, who only showed up once or twice, lost his mother when he was in the 8th grade. He is currently a graduate student here at OSU. He has had several complications since his mother's death. His mother and father had a great relationship. When she passed away, his mother removed everything that belonged to her or had her image within the first week. Frank's father never talked about his wife's death and the house was eliminated of her existence in seven days. Over the summer, Frank and his family used to go to a beach house his mother loved. His father sold that house within the first week of the loss. Frank felt very angry with his father for years. The still don't talk about his mother. His father has remarried. Frank now experiences problems in relationships. His girlfriends have said that he's mechanical and emotionless. Eventhough he does all the things a "good boyfriend should" (cook dinner, buy flowers, etc), he has difficulties with intimacy.

I've learned a lot through these people's stories. They've helped me make sense of my situation. Sometimes I feel like these people's stories are so much more tragic than mine and me losing a mother should be no big deal. But, I think that we all have something in common, regardless of the degree of tragedy we saw. We all know what it is like to lose someone. We all question life and death. We have this bond together.

I believe I will continue to go to these sessions for a long time. I am intrigued by people's stories and experiences. It makes me question what is the meaning of life and what I should value. I hope maybe their bios make you questions things too.

Phone Call

I was watching my dance group videos on YouTube, and I felt the sudden urge to give my mom a call. I immediately caught myself however and realized that there was no one to call.

These past few years while I've been in college, I got used to not seeing my mother for long periods of time. So, during the initial loss, it did not feel weird not talking to her or seeing her for awhile. Now, as time is dragging on, I'm catching myself wanting to call her up. Every time this happens, I realize that I can't.

It's starting to sink in, the sense that I will never be able to speak with her again. It hurts because there are so many things I want to share with her. I'm still developing as a person and she'll never be able to see what I'm passionate about or who I am.

Mother's Day is Coming Up

Mother's Day is coming up, which probably equals grumpy me. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't think I'll be going home that weekend. I kind of wanted to, but if I did, I'd only be able to go home for Mother's day, that Sunday. M.I.A. is coming for a free show in Cbus the day before, and I really want to go.

I hope that doesn't sound bad that I want to go to a rare concert, and b/c of that I won't be able to go home. Well, I could, but just for Sunday. It doesn't really make sense to drive up to CLE for 2.5 hours, place a flower on the niche, and drive back down for 2.5 hours.

*shrug* *sigh* I'll think about it. I was thinking that I would go home for Memorial Day weekend instead and wear a white flower on Mother's Day. Specifically a white carnation. My mom really liked flowers. And I've been told that wearing a red carnation on Mother's Day means that your mother is alive and a white one means that she has passed away.

It will just be very difficult to listen to every1 who is going home to see their moms. I get jealous and I also feel awkward. A lot of people do not know, so they'll ask what my plans are. For instance, for Thanskgiving or Christmas. Usually I just lie and pretend like my mom is still alive. I want to tell people the truth but i don't want to be the party pooper.

We'll see how my mood changes as Mother's Day gets closer.

Wake

This is a video I made back in autumn that explains how I felt in my environment around the time my mother passed away.

Relay for Life

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile.  I went home this weekend because I thought I left my hard drives in Cleveland.  But I didn't.  When I got back to Columbus I was so upset with myself.  I had a lot of pictures of my mom stored in those hard drives.  I was really worried that I lost those physical memories forever.

Thankfully, my boyfriend found them at the foot of my bed, under piles of blankets and clothes and what not.  I'm so dumb.  *shaking head*

The trip home wasn't entirely discouraging however.  I got to see my Cleveland friends, specifically Ilya and Sarita, close friends of mine from high school.  They both attend Case Western University.  Interestingly or ironically...maybe both...Case Western Reserve University was having their American Cancer Society's Relay for Life this weekend.  Ilya invited me to come.  I gladly went.

I got there at the end of the luminary ceremony (around 10PM).  Previous to this ceremony,  everyone who has a loved one who died of cancer, knows someone who has cancer, or knows a cancer survivor lights a candle and places it into a paper bag full of sand, so it does not blow over.  At the luminary ceremony, everyone is silent except for a couple people who read off the names of everyone who has a luminary.  After the reading, everyone takes a silent lap around the track.  

I got there just as they were starting the silent lap.  Ilya kept asking me if I was alright and giving me hugs.  I actually was very unmoved by the entire ceremony.  I'm not sure if it was because I had just jumped in or if I simply was not affected by it.  And I felt terrible for not feeling...terrible.  People around me looked sullen.  I saw a couple students sit by their luminaries crying.  I thought it was sad to see them in mourning, and I could emphasize...but I personally, was not moved. 

After the silent lap, Ilya asked me if I wanted to make a luminary for my mom.  I almost said, "No It's alright."  But I felt like that would've looked weird, so I said "Sure."  I lit a candle for her, and placed it in a bag which I wrote "In Loving Memory, Chinluen Judy Hu," and set it on the inner ring of the track.  Ilya gave me another hug and asked me if I was alright.  Once again, I said I was fine.  And I was...disturbingly very calm and unaffected.

My inability to become sad really disturbed me.  I felt like I should have been crying, I should have been leaning on Ilya's shoulder for support, and I should have thought about my mom more that night.  

But the truth is, I didn't.  Does that make me a bad person, a bad daughter?  Does it make me heartless?

Maybe it's because I heard that The American Cancer Society isn't as good as everyone says it is.  Or maybe it's because I don't mourn in public.  I am a very private person...which is ironic because I'm typing all this stuff in a blog...but I actually don't talk to many people about my loss.  In fact, I get quite uncomfortable if I'm supposed to show my emotions in large public places, which is another reason why I took this blog off of my class' Art of Podcasting Blog.  

I don't think I'm heartless, and I don't think I'm wrong for being disconnected at Relay for Life.  I look around and I feel like a lot of people don't understand.  The survivors understand, and the people who saw death understand, but the people who are raising money, don't.  And it's great that their raising money for cancer research...but...they don't know what my mother's story is.  Reading her name off of a list doesn't honor her existence enough.  And lighting a candle that has to be blown out in 5 minutes because I came late doesn't make me feel any better.  

Everyone's story and everyone's experience is different.  For some people, Relay for Life makes them feel better.  For me, it doesn't.

I send my condolences to all those families and individuals touched by the effects of cancer, and I hope they enjoyed Relay for Life.

Thinking about Future Life Without Mom and Disconnect

My mom never really wanted too much out of life.  Some may say she lived a simple life.  Others may argue differently (in a more pessimistic light).  That's a topic that's too deep for a post while I'm at work.  It's a complicated one.  I'll tell it another day.

Before my mom passed away, she said she was sad that she was going to miss out on seeing her daughters grow up, get married, and have kids.  Not that marriage is a huge deal for me, but I guess in my mind it represents the big events in my futures life.  My mother won't be able to witness me finally getting a real job.  What if I reach my goal of becoming a filmmaker?  She won't be here to watch my films.  She won't meet her grandchildren (if I have any).  

I think though maybe what hurts most, is that I don't think she knew me very well before she left.  She didn't know what my passions are, my favorite color, my dreams and aspirations.  She wasn't familiar with things or people I care about such as my friends and boyfriend.  She said that I was her favorite (A PARENT SHOULD NEVER TELL HER KIDS THAT THEY HAVE A FAVORITE), but she didn't even know me.  I think I just reminded her of herself.  I am the only one of my sisters that looks like her and remotely acts like her.

Ugh.  My brain hurts.  I'm really confused right now.  I don't really know if I'm talking about stuff that fits together.  Maybe I'm just rambling.  I actually have a lot of conflicted emotions about her passing away.  I'm angry, relieved, regretful, apathetic, overwhelmed, just about any emotion you can think of.  There are so many topics in my head: religion, life after death, life before death, the actual feeling of passing away, sickness, mortality, happiness, purpose in life, meaning of life, etc.

I really don't think I can write anything that makes sense right now.  I'll try again another time.

After Midwest Mix Up Dance Competition

I'm on a dance team here at Ohio State.  You can check out our videos on my dance blog www.soyouwannadance.blogspot.com   The good news is that we won 2nd overall!  The bad news is that my mom couldn't come.  She would have liked it and I think she would have been very proud...and maybe a little jealous.  :)  She loved to dance too, but never had any formal training.  I think that's  why she made my sisters and I take dance lessons...and piano lessons and art lessons and ice skating lessons, etc.  I think she wanted to share those passions and interests with us, and give us the opportunity to learn about them.  Her family didn't have the money for her to get formal training when she was younger.

That night, after the competition, I had a dream that my mom was talking to me.  She was lying down, still sick, but well enough to speak.  I bent down over her.  She asked me how I was and how everything was going?

Is it possible that my mom is speaking to me through my dreams or is that simply what I wish?

I felt like she was trying to catch up with me, see what's happened since she passed away, including my dance competition.

I Can't Imagine

I attend a Grief Counseling group every week at The Ohio State University.  It's one of the services they offer for free.  It is a place for people who are experiencing/have experienced a loss to talk.  

I've met some interesting people and heard heart-wrenching stories at these sessions.  But one girl's experiences makes me wonder how she carries on in her life.  She is an only child and currently a sophomore in college.  She had lost her mother to cancer at age 13 and her father to cancer at age 15.  Hearing about her situation makes me wonder what she must have gone through.  I think about how much innocence must have been taken away at such a young age, and how much maturity it must have taken to overcome such tragedy.  I wonder who could she talk to?  Most of her friends must not have understood.  She said that many adults would tell her how sorry they were and that they lost their parents too...to old age.  Losing a parent to old age and losing a parent early on are different experiences of loss.  Don't get me wrong, I believe both are life-changing and sad, however, to lose a parent while you're still a child?  A teenager watching the burial of her parents?  There's a difference.

This girl has some emotional baggage.  She's not perfect, and she still suffers from these traumatic events, but I admire her.  If you met her, you would be able to tell that she carries more maturity and wisdom than most adults.

Pancakes and Salad

One of my professors made a presentation on pancakes today.  It reminded me of a story that my mom would always tell us about her trip to America.

She was coming to the United States for the first time.  My dad had been in school at the University of Cincinnatti for awhile and they had decided to move to the United States permanently.  On her plane ride over, she experienced for the first time...American food.

For breakfast, they served pancakes.  She had never before in her life scene such food.  She didn't know how to eat it.  She looked over at the fellow American passengers sitting beside her.  The closest was a rotund man.  He smothered his pancakes with butter and syrup.  My mother copied him, drowning her pancakes in syrup and butter.  She took a bite.  She said it was too sweet and very disgusting.

The next meal was a salad.  Once again, my mother had never seen a salad before.  Eating raw vegetables was very taboo of Taiwanese culture at the time.  She looked at her neighbor again, and watched what he did with the plate of leafy greens.  He poured dressing all over this salad. My mother, hence, did the same.  Too bad she chose a dressing she didn't like.

Rap Music and a Little Asian Lady

I have a dance competition coming up for my hip hop dance group, Stylez, here at The Ohio State University.

I think if my mom were still here, she'd enjoy it, eventhough she hates rap music. Hehe. I remember all the times when I'd blast the latest (terrible) rap music in the car and I'd bounce along to it, my mom would just sit in the passenger seat quietly. If she spoke, she'd complain about how rap was just noise to her. She said it sounded like chanting or something. Othertimes, to amuse me, she'd bounce along with me. Can you just imagine? This tiny 50 year old Asian woman with glasses bouncing along to rap music with her daughter?

I bet it was cute.

Nightmares

I had a nightmare about my mother last night.  I don't remember what happened, I just know that I was sobbing over her in my dream.  I think maybe she died (again).  I've never woken up crying from dreams until this year.  I have had countless nightmares which seem so real that I wake up in tears.  I don't stop until I realize that it was just a dream.

One of the most horrific dreams I had was where my family was visiting my mother in the hospital.  My dad and older sister were saying how the doctors said she still had a good chance.  She had just got out of an operation and we all had high hopes.  I walked out of the room to make a phone call or something.  All of a sudden, my dad and sister rushed into the room and told me to come quickly!   I ran into what was the hospital room, except now, it was one of those large hospital rooms you see in the movies at war sites, one of those rooms that house a hundred beds or so.  This room was empty though, with the exception of my mother lying on the ground.  I rushed over to her and held her in my arms and asked her what was wrong.  She was a limp, deathly skinny corpse.   Her skin was a green tint and stuck to her bones.  She started to convulse.  As her body twitched, black green vomit came pouring out of her mouth all over the floor and me.  I didn't know what to do.  She couldn't stop vomiting.  She was vomiting so hard it made her dead body flail about, making disturbing thumping noises on the ground.

This is when I woke up and started to cry.

Bee Sting

I got stung by a bee when I was five.  I was at my friend's house sitting on her swings when it happened.  I felt a small sting behind my left ear.  Then, all of a sudden, a fiery burning began to occur and it began to throb.  I started to cry and went to find my mom.  

She told me I got stung by a bee and put some soothing ointment on it.  When we got home, she washed my hair in the sink.  She scooped up warm water and let it run down my bee sting.

"Doesn't that feel good?" She asked.

I nodded and smiled.

Religion

Ever since the last few months of my mother's life, I have been contemplating my religious affiliation.  Before then, I had always considered myself an agnostic.  Now, I'm more confused than ever.

My mother was a Buddhist.  She didn't practice her religion strictly and often times swayed between Christianity and Buddhism during her struggle with cancer.  She eagerly seeked help from any religion that could offer her answers to why she was sick, why now while she was so young, why her, etc.  Her Christian friends bombarded her with Bibles, asked her to Bible study, and took her to church.  Her Buddhist friends asked her to join their Taiwanese Buddhist community service organization and invited her to pot lucks.  In the end, she decided she wanted to die as a Buddhist and have a Buddhist ceremony at her funeral.

When her Christian friends heard about this, there were horrified.  During her last month, her Christian friends came over several times a week, bringing food for the family of course but they also literally huddled around her to convince her to convert.  As she lay deathly ill in her chair, they whispered to her and I quote, "Just say you're a Christian.  That's all you have to do.  Just say you're a Christian and you'll be saved."  They prayed for her soul and encouraged her to announce herself as one of them.  They would sit around her for at least an hour, people on each side, whispering into her ears.  At first, my family and I had no idea what they were saying to her.  We thought they were just whispering comforting thoughts.  But then we realized what they were doing.  We realized this when they finally got up one day from their pleading and approached my father.  "She said she's a Christian!  I will call a priest to arrange a Christian ceremony for her funeral!"  My dad, in shock and in anger, said, "No. No.  You must have misunderstood.  She is a Buddhist.  She told me so."  (My father is not bias by the way.  He is agnostic with a Christian lean.)   He told her friends to leave and went to my mother and asked her what happened.  She painfully croked that she is a Buddhist.  She probably just told them she was a Christian to make them go away.

I feel very conflicted about this event.  My initial emotion is extreme anger.  How selfish that her friends come and put further stress on my mother's mind.  She didn't know what she believed in and she finally decided.  Now people are telling her that her soul will go to Hell if she does not convert.  

When I think about what my mom must have been thinking, it breaks my heart.  What must it feel like to not be able to eat for three years?  What must it feel like to wait to die, which is better than living?  What must it feel like to die at 53 and leave 3 children and a husband behind?  What must it feel like to not be able to go back to your home in Taiwan and see your mother for the last time?

My mother did not see my grandmother for about ten years.  She never went back to her home in about ten years.  Her siblings visited her 2 weeks before she passed away and it tore me apart to see my mother see her sister and brothers for only five days for the first time in ten years for the last time.

Why didn't her friends think about this before they pleaded for her to convert?  Why didn't they think about all the other things my mother might have been thinking about?

Wynee, my older sister, tried to explain to me that from their point of view, they were helping my mother.  They were trying to save her soul, because to them, if they don't, she will go to Hell.

Fine.  Maybe that's what they were thinking.  But...I just don't understand.  If you're somebody's friend, wouldn't you respect your friend's wishes and try to make passing away as peaceful as possible? 

I think that due to this experience, I will never be a Christian.  If that means my soul will go to Hell, so be it.  I'll be there with my mom.

This is my mom! (oh and Potatoes)

This is a picture of my mother.  She passed away September 17th, 2008 from stomach cancer.  Very strange feelings engulf me when I look at her pictures.  I feel a gamut of emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, remorse, etc.  Good memories come to mind, followed by terrifying flashbacks of her final days...  

Today, I remembered that she and I used to talk about how much I like potatoes, especially french fries.  I would ask her if she had eaten a lot of french fries when she was pregnant with me.  She said she didn't think so.

Isn't strange what random memories you get some days? 

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